My boyfriend of 18 months…….lies, broken promises. VERY DIFFICULT! Please read.?
I have been with my boyfriend for over 18 months. At first our relationship was great, then about a month in he had a seizure (diabetic). He at the time lived with his parents and had for his whole life. Anyway, it was brought to my attention that he had a history of taking too much insulin and having seizures at least one a month for fifteen years. This was difficult for me to handle, I now test his sugar at times he doesnt think necessary and have helped him out of 15 seizures….I am scared for him….The biggest issue is this. When we first started dating he would ask me lots of personal questions about my past and things like that. i would as well becuase alot of factors come into play when i decide I want to date someone. WELL, ten months in i find he has been hiding a DWI from me. He tells me that he lied because he didnt want me to find out. I was upset then he promised me no more lies. THEN last month, I find out that he has lied about his past and one night stands etc. THIS killed me, my whole opinion of him changed. He was a liar in my eyes, and it kept getting worse. I spend my days cooking, cleaning, and taking care of him to prevent seizures now that we moved in together (BEFORE THE LIES), he is upset that he can no longer buy 10 dvd’s a week because he has a mortgage. I feel like a nurse, a chef, oh and a college tutor, as I spend about 15 hours a week tutoring him through every step of it!!!!! He is 27, but I cant do this anymore. he text me from work tonight, saying he was upset that he doesnt have the time for his hobbies now that he has a house. meaning going to the movies 5x a week. he asked if i would mind him leaving me here to go……..wtf. I feel like I cant trust him, and that he isnt going to grow up. I am not a nurse! I dont want to be forcing sugar into him weekly! I dont want him to lie to me! I wanted to know who I was dating, these lies that came out are just proving to me he isnt serious about me. So, he says I need to lighten up, because i ask him to spend time with me. He says he does every day. This is true, but it is me cooking, cleaning, testing sugar, forcing soda, tutoring, and rubbing his back every afternoon to get him to sleep…….i am exhausted and feel cheated…..Am I wrong?
He was offended five months into our relationship becuase i was getting a new place, and told him I was going to look for a room mate. He said that It made him feel like I didnt want to live with him. He suggested finding a place together. If he is scared of the pace of the relationship, why would moving in with me after five months be not so scary?
April 1st, 2010 at 10:46 pm
if he becomes your boyfriend of 19 months you’ll be as big of loser as he is.
Dump this creep
April 1st, 2010 at 11:45 pm
No you are not wrong. Leave him NOW. If he truly wants you, he’ll come back to you and change his ways.
April 2nd, 2010 at 12:25 am
Give up his adoption papers and get out of that mother/son relationship. You deserve much better than to play mom/nurse/tutor/cook/maid.
How can moving in with his maid be scary for him? I would have been thrilled if my slave, who caters to all my needs, moves in with me. Geezzz
April 2nd, 2010 at 1:12 am
i guess this is too much……….specially with the lie
April 2nd, 2010 at 1:58 am
My ex of three and a half years was diabetic. It is hard work, especially as he’s male. He knows he’s not well but as typical males do he will try to brush it off and dumb down the seriousness of it all. I was mother, chef, nurse, confidant as well as girlfriend. The only difference was he was 22 and not 27 like yours.
He knows that he can’t be fully independent cos he won’t take control of his illness, but at the same time he wants to be. He is probably feeling like he isn’t really in control of any part of his life, especially cos he now has a mortgage etc, maybe he feels like what little of his independence he has left is slipping away.
Talk to him. Sit down and talk, not arguing and not shouting. He needs to understand that you often feel weighed down by things. Maybe you can work some kind of rota out whereby one night a week you do something together and another night he goes off and does his guy thing or whatever.
He is aware of some of the problems and the strain on you but he needs to be made fully aware and to understand the toll it is taking on you. You can get through this together, that’s the only way this is going to work…
April 2nd, 2010 at 2:36 am
forget him, dump him and go home, stay strong and try to get with your old friends, get him out of your system and live your life to the fullest because you only live once and you cant waste this opportunity on that crap boyfriend go out and live!
April 2nd, 2010 at 3:18 am
no you’re not wrong…but what were you thinking going out with someone like that? you had to know what you were getting yourself into. l
men in general, have a hard time transitioning into “real life.” i had to put a stop to my husband’s hobbies and such when we got together and had a baby. it was like pulling teeth…but i had to make him realize that there are more important things in life. i mean, he was into racing cars, 4×4, remote control cars, new gadgets, fishing, hunting and the list goes on and on. i on the other hand would love to be able to snap pictures of my kids every chance i got and put them in scrapbooks, but i can’t because i’m a slave to my home and children!
him wanting to go to the movies all the time is immature, especially if there is no money for it. where are his priorities? tell him to settle fo netflix until he’s done with school, then he can use his good hard earned money to buy movies or take you all out to the movies, if that’s what makes him happy.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:17 am
In A way you are being cheated, It takes two to make a relationship work. He’s not putting his part and it clear as day to me that you care for him very much, you’re taking care of him for heaven sakes! Though it seems that all he wants to do is have fun, im not saying that having fun is a bad thing, but he needs to put his part too. If it continues like that well then maybe he doesn’t want a serious relationship. Then there is the possibility that maybe he’s scared about the pace the relationship is going in.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:43 am
No, you’re right! I’m having a similar problem with my fiancee & she’s 52. Oh, she’s honest, but doesn’t seem to understand that the basis to any relationship is communication & changes the subject or yells when a difficult topic comes up. Sorry, back to your problem, the question is what are you gonna do about it? It seems you bought a house together-this may take awhile to resolve. I suggest counseling if he’s willing. You need to talk to someone who can get to the real issues of you’re relationship & also your individual issues. The lying & the insulin thing are symptoms. Am I right? I f you can’t establish a line of communication about the real issues in your lives, I believe you are Doomed to unhappiness with him. You can’t do it alone! It just takes TWO (commitments) to tango. If nothing works & you do decide to break it off, it will take awhile to sell the house or to find another roommate & to recover emotionally. Good Luck! Prayer helps if you believe. If you need a shoulder to cry on my email is open.
April 2nd, 2010 at 5:39 am
You deserve better.
If he’s lied this much already, there could be more that he’s lied about. He’s 27 now, but is diabetes is an illness he will have for the rest of his life, and if he’s being so immature now about his medication, are you prepared to do what you are doing now for him for the rest of your life, as it’s exactly how it’s going to be it would seem!
I, personally, would feel a tad guilty about this fact, but you’ve spent 18 months thinking about this man. You need to start thinking about yourself and what is best for you. Do you want to spend your life in this relationship as it is now? Do you want to be unappreciated, by a man who resents you for the fact he has to grow up and pay for a house?
You deserve better, and I would definately be re-evaluating the relationship.
I wish you all the best =)