Can anyone edit this paragraph for me please?[Can't get a tutor in college and Have to turn it in tomorrow]THX
Everybody has encountered these questions sometime in their life. What do you aspire to be when you grow up?What are your goals? Where do you see yourself in a decade?These are undisruptive and neutral questions at first glance but they have a powerful influence when you digest them in your mind.Dreams and goals have always been a key factor for me.No,not all the crazy things I thought about gave me a desire to see them come to reality.However, it is all the crazy thoughts that usually escort to the big dreams and goals I could not wait to see come to pass. I seldom have anything to talk about without having dreams and goals.Dreams and goals are my means of starting many of my endless conversationsThere is a distress I sense in people who do not have dreams and goals.I see people caught up in the trials and troubles of life when they are without any aspirations and hopeThere is no guarantee to avoid disappointments but as long as the dreams and goals are there, you can always move 4war
April 18th, 2010 at 10:45 pm
Use The Space bar more often
April 18th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
Everybody has encountered these questions sometime in their life. What do you aspire to be when you grow up? What are your goals? Where do you see yourself in a decade? These are undisruptive and neutral questions at first glance, but they have a powerful influence when you digest them in your mind. Dreams and goals have always been a key factor for me. Not all the crazy things I thought about gave me a desire to see them come to reality. However, it is all the crazy thoughts that usually escort to the big dreams and goals I could not wait to see come to pass. I seldom have anything to talk about without having dreams and goals. Dreams and goals are my means of starting many of my endless conversations. There is a distress I sense in people who do not have dreams and goals. I see people caught up in the trials and troubles of life when they are without any aspirations and hope. There is no guarantee to avoid disappointments but as long as the dreams and goals are there, you can always move foreward.
I think your paragraph except for your typing mistakes(which were probably because you were in a hurry.) Also I don’t think you need the “no” on the fourth line.
Hope I helped at least a little. The paragraph seems to flow. So that’s good. Good Luck!
April 19th, 2010 at 12:06 am
Okay…I won’t edit it for you, but I can give you some thoughts.
Be sure to use space between sentences. When going to a new thought, start a new paragraph.
Don’t refer to yourself or yout dreams or aspirations as stupid.
Use a variety of words instead of the same ones over and over.
Finally, make it read more like you are just talking with examples of experiences in it. Not a lot. Just a little. Like how do you know people are caught up in “trials and troubles?”
Try words like…I saw one girl so worried about______ that she looked_________ and did ______ .
It will be more interesting and that will help your grade and your written self-expression.
I hope this helps.