am i wasting my time with these activities?
im having major problems with college right now. im rather shy and nerdy and thats where the problems are coming from.
ive tried joining multiple clubs on campus to be more social but it hasnt worked out. i often feel very awkward and shy when i show up. the only one im currently involved with is a tutoring club where we tutor middle school students. i feel out of place there since all the other tutors all ‘click’ with each other but im the only really nerdy guy there. im only in it because i heard tutoring can really help one’s communication skils which are needed in the workforce.
am i just wasting my time with these activites? i dont really have any one i would call ‘friends’ but more like acquaintnaces from these groups. thats why i’m thinking of quitting the tutoring middle schoolers idea, and just tutor college students instead (i’m mostly in the tutoring club for middle schoolers so i can make friends with the other college student tutees)
my only ‘friends’ are mostly those in my classes, but theyre also nerdy and dont have social lives. i only really have 1 non-nerdy close friend
basically i would stay the nerd i am, but unfortunately attractive girls never go for guys as nerdy as me (the only ’smart’ guys they like are also TALL and goodlooking, unlike me)
i understand that if i want to attract hot girls, i need to start getting intereted in ’shallow’ stuff like music, myspace, etc. but i dont really like that stuff. but is it worth the time and effort if i’m gonna graduate in a few months?
therefore, if its best that i stay the nerd that i am, is it even worth it to stay in these activities?
May 9th, 2010 at 10:44 am
Just do one or two clubs. These will help your socialization skills without lowering your GPA. And by focusing on one or two clubs, you can better focus your attentions. (i.e. I did Band and Karate club in college)
May 9th, 2010 at 11:20 am
Dude just be yourself, and you said your shy and nerdy then join a club with people like you. and don’t bother going for the typical myspace, facebook guy , all girls eventually go for the nice,nerdy and shy once.
May 9th, 2010 at 11:56 am
If doing all these extra curricular activities make you happy and if you enjoy them carry on whats the problem. If you don’t enjoy them don’t carry on. Just be happy
live your life to the fullest cos u only got 1 2 live!
May 9th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
No your not wasting your time. Because social skills is what you really need,for life after school,work,friends,etc. But i really think you can go pick one club that your really interested on.
Joining many clubs that you don’t find interest on can get you more frustrated. I guess, in dealing with social problems, you should try to smile.,That’s a big help( :
May 9th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
You’re not wasting your time in these activities, you’re wasting your time caring about what other people think of you.
If you want to make friends, be yourself and participate in what actually interests you. Your whole question here was so self-deprecating that I almost see why you claim to be “non-social” – you are so depressed about yourself. No matter what kind of person you are, people want to be around others who are cheerful and fun to be around, not because they like “shallow, trendy things.”
You also need to think about what you consider “attractive girls” – you don’t want to be “shallow,” yet you say you want “hot” girls. What do you consider attractive? Personality or looks? Someone who is stereotypically “hot” most likely will have the mental depth of a puddle and you’ll still be unhappy because you aren’t connecting with that person.
You want people to like you for you, yet you are judging people by their looks.
It sounds like you need to re-evaluate what you want out of your friendships and your life altogether – real friends are the ones who love you for you and they want to be around people who make them happy. When you spend so much time hating yourself instead of appreciating who you are, you won’t have many friends.
So, focus on what you have and what you love instead of what you don’t have – people WILL come around when they see you’re finally happy.
Besides, what’s wrong with being “nerdy?” If that’s who you are, then you need to make peace with that. I speak from experience as a crazy, geeky music teacher. I learned to embrace my gifts and shortcomings and after that, have developed some amazing friendships. I’d rather be a geek than a stereotypical sorority girl you see on Van Wilder – at least, as a geek, I can find fulfillment in my life.
You can, too.
May 9th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
On behalf of nerd girls everywhere, allow me to encourage you to recalibrate your definition of “attractive” to include “compatible interests.” (I think you’ll be surprised how many of your other standards you can keep in place.)
In other words, I do think you need to embrace your inner nerd, but that doesn’t mean giving up on being social. If there isn’t anything already out there that caters to your interests, start a new club. You’re not in high school any more. Nobody’s going to dunk your head in the toilet – and if they make fun of you, they don’t get stock options in your startup. Besides, even popular chicks dig anime these days.
May 9th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
You have friends from your classes. So what if they are all, to other people’s eyes, nerds? Who cares?
If you’re most comfortable with people who have certain interests – and if those interests seem, to others, to be nerdy – then that’s just who you are. I understand your desire to attract hot women, but you really can’t be someone other than who you are. A women either likes you because she genuinely likes who you are (not who you’re pretending to be), or she doesn’t like you.
Anyway, you’re graduating in May, right? I wouldn’t try to force things that don’t fit your personality. You have just a few months between now and the end of your schooling. It might be better to spend that time focused on things that you like – your friends from classes, tutoring college students, etc – rather than trying to force friendships with people you don’t click with.
However, the meeting girls thing… What you want to try to do is meet girls who are actually kind of into, or at least not against, the things that you’re into. Let’s say, for example, you’re into sci fi. I know that people think that no girls are into that, but have you ever been to a con? Girls – many of them hot – are seriously into sci fi. And cons have dances… There are possibilities there. In fact, if there’s a con that’s held local to you, you could get involved on the organizing committee, and meet people (who have similar interests) in that way.
Another example – let’s say you and your friends don’t have “social lives” in terms of going to dances, out to clubs, etc. but you *do* have social lives in terms of getting together to do role playing games and etc. That’s social. Just because it’s not what outsiders typically think of as a “social life”, that doesn’t mean that it’s not one. Instead of trying to fight against that, go with it – expand on it. You like sci fi, for example, and normally you stay home and watch sci fi films? Well, to expand on that, you join the sci fi club on campus, you join the organizing committee for the local con or volunteer for the event, you drag all your friends to a con – you make what you like into something social, and see where it takes you. You like gaming? They have cons and events and clubs for that, too.
And do listen to the other posters who are asking you to think about what you mean when you say, “hot”. Maybe you’ll be attracted to the head cheerleader. Or… what about the VP of the college’s anime club? Seriously, which is hotter: some girl who is tv-style hot but who doesn’t even know you’re alive, or the girl who is sitting next to you, who maybe isn’t quite tv-style hot, but she’s *sitting right next to you*, and shares some of your interests?
In the end, don’t try to be someone other than yourself. Instead, try to take what you like, and find ways to make those things less individual activities, and more group activities, so they can help you get to your goals of being more social and finding girls.
May 9th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
First and foremost worry about your GPA. Extra curricular activities come kind of far down on the list. When you first graduate college there are a few things you need to understand.
1. A good GPA tells a person that is hiring that you did well. Also, you need a good GPA if you ever want to go for a grad degree later. So work on the GPA first.
2. An internship will help you WAY more than extra-curricular activities will. I recommend taking at least one before you graduate. It gives you real world experience, you get credits for you. And it makes you stand out among the graduating crowd. Recruiters want people with experience or that understand their business.
3. Most colleges have senior courses that you can take to prepare you for interviewing, being outspoken, etc. I had two that worked pretty well for me. One was a production supervision course where it helps you understand how people think and how to react to situations. The other was basically learning about how to market yourself after you graduate. We refined our resume’s, practiced interviewing and social skills, learned dinner ettiquette for dinner interviews, etc. A technical writing class wouldnt’ hurt either. I’ve done interviewing and sorted through resume’s before. Many of the resume’s I’ve gone through were horrendous. And my opinion is that your resume’ is very important when looking for a job out of college. You need to catch the employer’s eye with your resume’ so you can get the interview. If I see a sloppy resume’ where I can tell little time has been spent on it, then my first assumption is that person will be sloppy in their work and not do their work well. A resume’ should be neat and laid out well with the most important abilities to sell you at the top. Then use action verbs and buzz words that let them know that you know what you are talking about and use them to catch their attention.
4. In an interview, just be yourself. You want to show that you have confidence in yourself, but you don’t want to sound arrogant or like you are trying to state that you know more than you actually know. You also want to be friendly and somewhat outgoing. This is just as important. They want someone that they can get along with and enjoy working with. In most interviews you’ll notice a number of questions asking about hobbies or stuff you like. They are basically trying to see if you are a friendly person and enjoyable to be around. So try avoiding being up tight and talk like you would to a best friend, but try to somewhat sell yourself at the same time.
The extra activities don’t really help you much unless you find an activity that maybe the interview did or knows something about. It basically can give you a conversation topic for them to find out how friendly you are. But you can do that with a funny story from your life experiences just as easily.
May 9th, 2010 at 3:37 pm
“Go where you have to,
be who you must…
(Dan Fogelberg – Part of the Plan)
be aware that for every ‘hot’ girl out there, there are 10 guys who are sick of their ’stuff’……
You need to stop seeing that being a nerd is a negative. Embrace who you are, be proud of yourself and your skills. In other words, use your college experience to accept yourself. Until you do, you will continue to have low self-esteem.
Stay with the tutoring, but do so for the right reason: to help others. Do not engage in activities simply to get friends. I have only 2 college friends (ok it is a couple of decades..) with whom I maintain any level of contact at all (not counting holiday cards). So what? I am self-reliant, albeit somewhat nerdy, and totally happy with that fact. I stopped worrying about what others think many many moons ago.
You might consider grad school……. you need to build more confidence before you go out into the workforce, especially in this economy……….
hang in there
May 9th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
just be your self join clubs that you like and have a passion for and try to meet new people they sould like you for who you are you need not feel bad about being “nerdy”
i sould listing to my own advice i have some social issues i need to meet people
May 9th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
If going to them clubs make you feel miserable, out of place and/or out-casted, then you should leave them. There are plenty of other ways to make friends and if people do not accept you for who you are, then stuff them. You should learn to start conversations because if you don’t people would think you don’t want to know them.
My main advise to you would be to try and not be someone you’re not because people will respect you more if you are yourself, and maybe the reason you don’t attract ‘hot girls’ is because they’re probably thinking you’re a try hard. I mean I wouldn’t go for a guy who tries hard to be someone who he isn’t just for me, that would make him gutless.
By the way, being into music DOES NOT MAKE ANYONE SHALLOW! Relax, be yourself and you will feel a billion times better – Trust Me, otherwise you’ll lower your self-esteem even more!
Good Luck!
I hope this helps!