Question by Young Black Smart: What would you grade this expostory essay i wrote should i shorten it?
Good things happened to those that wait Nonsense good things go to those that chase. Nothing is going to come to you and waiting for money and depending on someone else to give you money is the guaranteed path to failure. I am going to teach you about something I’ve mastered the art of making money I will teach you how to make money fast and make it last! Now before you read forward I need you to say “Everything I know about money is wrong” Believe me when I tell you I know more “tricks” to making money I am not talking about the cereal. I strongly believe if you can count your money by hand it’s not enough. You can’t make money being a good guy and following rules you must bend the rules and twist the rules. Bill gates the wealthiest man in the world(and soon to be second) stole various ideas from the rival company of Microsoft Apple but bills had other effects to Microsoft not only does Microsoft have what apple but more. Bill gate is a marketing genius his products has all the effects of apple and more and are the same price. Which one would you buy its obvious? How could a guy who didn’t finish collage become the richest person in the world (and soon to be second). How could Shawn Carter (formally known as jay z) become extremely wealth once again a person who did not go to college and grew up poor he created something out of nothing. So how could people who did not graduate from college and even some junior high school dropouts become so wealthy? Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune. Also they have mastered and implemented these proven techniques and now I will share them with you. I will teach you how to successfully run a business. Here are some tips Create Something out of nothing, create a realistic business plan stick to it, Work Like A Slave Eat Like A King , Never stop looking for the best deals on products and buy low and sell high.
Something out of nothing
Fob a clothing company started in a basement but now is a multimillion dollar company. The people who created the clothing line didn’t have a lot of money but they took what they had and made something from nothing. The company was created by 5 neighbor friends living in queens New York the largest projects in the world. The company then became popular amongst queen New York and it became bigger. The 5 neighborhood friends who never thought they would grow this big did. How did they do this? They took what they had their expertise and made something out of it. If you are a great drawers draw and auction your pictures if you are a good writer sell your writings even if you have a basketball goal in your backyard charged to get on the court you will gain enough money eventually to extend your idea. If are a goodstudent and understand an subject you can teach offer to help a student in return of money. Once you gain enough you can even start your own tutoring company. Got a big screen get some movies charge people to come in your house to watch them. Go to a used bike store bikes cost about 5 dollars fix them up make them look better and they will sell for any more. Once you make a profit invest half of it back in your business. Is it snowing? Shove snow? Good with computers teach the elderly mow lawns, wash cars, baby sit, and as soon as you make enough money washing cars you can buy more supplies hire your staff and send them to different areas to wash. Let them keep 25 percent of the money they made and you take the rest, you can do the same for shoving snow mowing lawns etc. Once you gain enough money you can expand your small company always looking for ways to make money you must be an opportunist, you must be a persuading, if you want to be wealthy.
•Create An Idea
•Expand on it
• Hire employees(optional)
•Launch it
•Advertise (business cards)
•Go find costumers
•Sell your products
• Be polite To Consumers give them two business cards one for a friends and for themselves
• Business Plan
Create a business plan stick to it if you are not making profits from it create another one. As cannabis once said “A wise man sees failure as progress, a fool divorces his knowledge and misses the logic”. This philosophy is very important. First you must determine your objective. What are you trying to accomplish in your business what do you want to achieve? These are the questions you must ask. How will you achieve your objective? When will you achieve this? How will you make your company better than other similar company’s .Create a list of these things and then put it in an essay form get it copywriter and you have your business plan.
•What is your objective
•How will you achieve this
•When will you achieve this
•Create A List
•Put it in a essay form
•Get it copy writer
Work like a slave eat like a king
Nothing will come to you, you must go out and get it this is serious good things go to those that wait is a lazy philosophy and it truly disgust me. Nobody can be successful unless he loves his work and put in work second place is the first losers place. In order to work like a slave you must work hard daily learn how to balance family school and other things with work. Read your competitors like a book constantly think of new ideas to receive more costumers everywhere you go bring out business cards .Go to the bookstore and place business cards in books that relate to your business. Put a banner on your car put it work and you will eat like a king.
•Put in work
•Eat like a king
Follow these proven methods and you will see results
Disclaimer: Note working constantly may lead to depression and tiredness
Best answer:
Answer by gogo7
D or so at this time but can be improved:
I think you are trying to stuff too many things into the essay so it doesn’t flow very well. Maybe do an outline on what you want to say first. It should flow but right now I can’t figure out what one paragraph has to do with the other let alone within each paragraph. For example, your fist paragraph starts about teaching people how to make money then you talk about Bill Gates and Shawn Carter dropping out of school, then other stuff.
Instead of doing a business 101 in an essay, pick the part you can elaborate on more. What stands out most when reading is creating a business out of an idea. Use that but stick to the subject without going off on other things or it sounds a bit “flighty”.
You need to make sure you have a period after each complete sentence. You are missing a bunch of comma’s.
Leave out personal opinions like “that disgusts me” and unproven accusations.
FYI: The cliche “Good things happened to those that wait” is a reference to patience – not sitting and doing nothing.
I think you can turn this into an A or B paper if you do an outline first, don’t try to cover too many things in a short essay, make your story connect from one point to the next, and stay focused on your topic. The point you keep coming back to is taking and idea or dream and make a business out of it. Stick to those examples because the other examples don’t hit that message.
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